Tuesday, April 28

lately lovers,

kareoke, champagne, a cold snap and growth!.

(just before we begin- hi all, bonjour, ciao, and desole for the lacking of my blogging recently!)

1. kareoke!
Jem, Bridge and I went to a kooky little asian kareoke bar sometime this week and had 5 hours with too much Yellow and Pink! Here are some pics lovers,,,



I wore:
Don't Ask Amanda translucent shift
Razzamattazz stockings
ZU Lace-up retro wedges

and a few weeks ago i went with some of my good friends including Pippa, my sister ;)... here are some pictures...



I wore:
CURRENCYvintageshift. (sportsgirl circa 1980ish)

Sorry, about these photos, I would love to have a great excuse for you about why i look terrible, but i think my sobriety level is evident throughout. ha ha!

Forgotten Nights
The other night it was my good friend Tim's party, here is a photo, but there are more coming! I absolutely loved the dress. its on a loan from Elle. (thanks! babe!)


currently listening to Drive In Saturday- David Bowie
hi guys, there are new blogs coming soon i promise!

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Tuesday, April 21

desole, desole!

Okay, I am terribly, terribly sorry about not being on in ages.
I worked at a fashion runway for a night which was unbelievable! It was Toni Chemcevskes (something)'s Collection and i met the nicest models. In a room surrounded by such beautiful creatures, i have decided to get back on the health food, exercise and classy clothing wagon i have fallen off.
Yes, Yes, i have been off for a while, BUT as of tomorrow, i am firming back on the wagon and heading to classtown.
Have a look at these beauties,



i offered my body for a night, week, century to the designer (whom i met (YYYYY)) such a babe- by the way, but i was flatly refused. Partly because he was homosexual, and mostly because even if he wasn't, there were girls in that room that would have outcharmed and out hotted (almost) Mr Edward Cullen himself.

okay, here are some more photos...




Wednesday, April 15


1.le ex and i are going to 'chill' these holidays.

2. hot guy on train has a name 'JOSH' (pretty hot, eh? eh? eh? ;))

3. so tired. that's all

you are either a massive dickhead who doesn't care how i feel


you are ignorant.

and i really can't see which is worse.

Monday, April 13


Hi, Hello, Good day Bloggers! Today was all very strange. I woke up very tired and got home at 11am. Then the director came over and spoke with the owners of my household(parents eurgh). It looks like I'm going to have a camera crew following me for 3 days to document my mood due to sleep deprivation. I can't say for which program and which channel online, but im very excited.

My good buddy Calum came over and taught me the bass part to Burning by The Whitest Boy Alive- It's so goddamn hard! Jesus christ, my fingers are dying. i also tried to jam with my trumpet, but i don't know enough yet so it sucked!

Today i wore- Demin GAP Cropped Jacket, American Apparel Float Dress, Stockings David Jones.

Good Day, but i'm EXHAUSTED!

(currently listening to PHOENIX)

much love!

Sunday, April 12


God help me, I'm trying to hide out in my-admittedly very, very messy- room while my parents chuck a Cleaning Spree before all of my extended family arrive for Easter lunch.
Oh! Happy Easter Bloggers, by the way. Sorry, I'not exactly feeling the easter cheer(is there one?) when I'm being forced into tidying and cleaning- my least favourite pastimes.

Fashion: Pippa's French Connection Orange Summer dress with my American Apparel tops Black under, then grey on top over the dress, black stockings beads on my wrists etc.
Photos up soon i promise! sorry for the LACK OF PHOTOS. You can blame my dad.

photo credit: Olsens-anonymous.blogspot.com (L)



let me at these shoes. seriously, i would commit every sin for them.

much love, and lack of easter cheer!

Saturday, April 11


Sorry, but just letting you know i wont be posting tomorrow!---- going to a movie marathon! yay!

here are some photos though

i bought 2 of these tops from American Apparel today Grey, and Black.
AA is a religion.


really, really want this top from Peel in Newtown... only it was $30! so, im going to ftry and just make it for like 3?

also saw that awful zac efron movie. it was awful, but efron was worth it! now, dont get me wrong, im firmly OFF the zac efron bandwagon, but in shakespeare's words you could say he was a pretty piece of flesh.

this guy? (YYYYYYY)

Also bought a black velvet fitted blazer! photos up soon!

much love

Thursday, April 9

this past week i....

1. said good bye to sally !!
It was so sad, we were all crying. We'll see her in 3 &1/2 months, but still its a long time... =[

2. found a play to base my drama IP on!!! (Y)
I'm going to play all 3 main characters in John Patrick Stanley's play Doubt. There was a film adaptation released earlier this year directed by him also. The 2009 film stars acting legends Phillip Seymour Hoffman (YYY) and Meryl Streep(YYYY) and also newcomer Amy Adams who was very good also. I watched the film last night on the net, really good quality here's the link if anyone wishes to see it.
I strongly recommend you watch it, it is slow but the sermons and monologues and twisted story lines are A-MAZING!!!

3. Got sick... as usual- i mean its the end of term. i have this thing where on the last week of every term i get really sick. i dont plan it, but it just happens. its actually eerie how true it is. EVERY TERM im sick! but only at the end!!!'
what the hell...

4. got a little bit more over j...this was werid because today i came to the conclusion that if he asked me back (not likely, but anyhow..)-if he did, i would probably say no. i know, i know, its werid but the thing is- how can i trust his consistancy anymore? i mean if he just broke it off once for NO reason, while we were meant to be inlove, whats to say it wont happen again.
i don't need his drama, frankly. but i still really love him, its just the love is changing...

5. met a new love interest...hot guy at my station that catches my train in the morning...he's like a hotter version of Jasper from twilight, more italian looking though... very skinny (Y) anyway there's a post below dedicated to him so go ahve a look! he looks a lot like this photo... but my guy has darker hair..


6. almost finished our drama study of Romeo and Juliet. I'm actually watching the movie right now and i fucking adore it... its so goddamn beautiful!!
here's the best clip!...

6. changed, i can't describe it, but i have..


god, i despise being sick! im really sick at the moment, nothing special- just the average heavy cold.
You know it- runny or blocked nose (rotates every hour), flemmy cough, sore throat, watery eyes, dead tired..

anyway, im loving this band at the moment 'The Vagabonds'- and they're my bestfriend's bestfriends. yay! haha anyway, i got another casting for an abc program on sleep deprivation. they're coming to my house in the holidays to film me so im going to have to fit that in with: study for exams, senior drama company rehearsals, youth theatre rehearsals, acting in HSC drama film, and learning my trumpet! ay ay ay!!!

Wednesday, April 8

always the timing, always.

i actually have poor timing. im convinced that because of one delay when i was 3 or something, the restis out of timing..

so today i felt REALLY REALLY SICK, but i had to go to school because...
1. s is leaving today for italy for 3 months! im going to miss her so much =[
2. had to give b her dance clothing, she had dance today.
3. had a drama lesson, and i really needed to speak with the teacher about my Individual Performance (IP) project.
4. Hot Guy catches my train and i had to offer him a ciggerette, hey?

okay so instead of all this happening ... this is what actually happened:

1. our car broke down as it was coming out of the driveway, so it was blocking the whole road...like came out onto the road, perpendicular to the traffic flow (of course) and just stopped.
so i had to get out and push it up the hill(WTF I KNOW)

2. Felt really sick, and saying good bye to s was really really sad!!1


oh i know.

Tuesday, April 7

new on the block

today was exciting, because i met someone- or should i say i realised someone exsited.

when you are in a relationship, you condition yourself not to notice other people, and not only that but even if they are amazingly beautiful and the sex appeal is raging, you never pursue the thought of a relationship (or spontaneous makeout sessions) because the one you love is beyond that. far beyond that.

but, it has been 3 weeks and although its still hurts inside, i found someone new to obsess over. and its just a silly little sex-appeal crush, that i never considered before now, but here are the facts:

+ he catches my train, from my station every morning,
+ he has lovely hair (y),
+ he is tall, but not overly tall,
+ ive heard from a friend of a friend that hes a mad art freak (YYYYYYY)
+ and i caught him looking at me today, a lot.

- i dont know his relationship status
- he may be a dickhead
- may not be into me.

but, nevertheless i will offer him a cigarette tomorrow morning!

Monday, April 6

great-timed day

1.sleep-ins& lifts, 2.chilly weather, 3.decisions to make, 4.bonding with sex, 5.muffins and nudies.

Today, i had an epic sleep-in until 9.15am! It was incredibly good and needed, as i was high on coke from the tv show filming yesterday. then after i woke up, dad was home (weird) AND HE DROVE ME TO THE STATION, so fucking good! made my day.

Ahhh, chilly weather always puts me in a good mood! I absolutely adore winter and today certainly felt like it.

i also have to decide whether telling j how i feel is the right thing to do, because he doesn't know and its just going to fuck me up not telling him how i feel, and waiting until its 'too late', and then that will suck a lot.

today this girl who i admire c, who i thought hated me confided in me that she slept with her best mate who came

Sunday, April 5

lyrics of my life.

When you try your best, but you dont succeed.
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep,

you're stuck in reverse

And the tears coming streaming down your face,
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste,

Could it be worse?

pretty much: no.

i tried so hard, but it didn't work out with us.
im at a fantastic new school, im on stage six times a year, drama twice a day and friends i adore, but i need you. and i dont have you. everything else is shit because of that.
i can't think, let alone sleep when you are on my mind. im so sick of being tired, but somehow my body can't let go and sleep properly, i wake up almost everynight, where its been a dream about you. it turns into a nightmare as soon as reality hits.

existing and living without you a part of it is so surreal, i dont know how to act, its like im moving backwards, in a strange way without meaning.

when i stop, im confronted with the realisation you aren't mine. and tears are less than a millionth of the pain i feel, but they come hard and fast.

ive lost you, and no-one else can compare, and i love you.

all in all

basically, i was never angry at you, i was never pissed off at it and i was never really cut. i just had to feel those things because i didnt know what else to feel. i needed to feel something. you have no idea what it is like to not feel, to not care, to no longer need things in your life you once considered quintessential. so i just grabbed some generic feelings and expressed them, because i didn't know what else to do.

all in all though, i just really miss you. i really miss us. i miss being with you all the time, i miss being able to message you all the time, i miss you ringing me all the time, i miss the constancy of what we used to be.

its not even like i miss having someone. its not even about having a companion, its just that its you. if it were anyone else, i would probably not feel this way. i would be able to move on, and i would not feel like shit all the time.

i have come to the point now where i need you. i actually require you, as a person, in my life, otherwise im not happy. and if i have to be your friend for that to happen, then im going to deal with that. im going to have to-

because i need you, and nothing else is more important than this.

Thursday, April 2

today, a turning point.

sharing secret glances that only we knew

today i heard some absolutely terrible news, and i had to comfort my mate t. its his brother that is j so when t asked me to go with him to his house, i felt sick.
i knew i would see j, but t was so upset that i had to say yes. his friendship means more to me than my pride.
so i swallowed it.
i saw him, and it was okay. but okay, for me, for how i felt before is amazing. okay, so it was werid not being near him and not touching him constantly in his presence, and it was even weirder not sharing secret glances that only we knew, but it was okay.

and okay is good :)

this week

so basically, these past 2 weeks have been the worst days of my life basically just due to the repetitive shitness of them. day, after day, after day. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

last week i lost...

1. my art diary
2. marks for art assessment
3. my boyfriend.
4. my self respect and sanity.
5. too much sleep.

Wednesday, April 1

a week in review (part two)

okay im ready to talk now.

on friday 20. i left my VAPD on the train. enough said i think.

on saturday 21. still no VAPD, went to p's lovely gathering and got really drunk. i was worrying about me and j the whole time, and if we would ever get back to how we once were.

on sunday 22. i missed 2 trains.my boyfriend broke up with me. i love him with everything i have, and he said that he did too. he said his feelings had changed and that i wasnt to blame. in black and white- im incredibly hurt/depressing to be around, and im sorry about that but you wouldn't understand how shit im feeling write now.STILL NO VAPD

on monday 23. i had to go to school and pretend like nothing was wrong. i felt like dying the whole day. t and e knew something was up but they couldnt do anything,or say anything to make me feel anybetter. i didnt talk to anyone the whole day. poor b, didnt know how to act, i love her.at lunch i had a panic attack in a cubicle, it was too scary for words. after school i had senior drama company and j.b. asked me randomly if i broke up with my boyfriend, i confessed- yes and my good mate th heard and was shocked. poor th, he's so awkward.
called central lost property->NO VAPDS. (3 from my school, none of which being mine)

that night i rang elle and told her everything. that night i cried myself to sleep, like a sad little emo bitch.

on tuesday 24. i had art theory which was epic, and then had dancing. i had to try so hard not to hurt. in modern history h accidently made a joke about me and j, it got me heaps cut. saw j walking as i was in the car on the way home from dancing.(no VAPD). cried a lot today.

on wednesday 25. BIGGEST DAY OF MY LIFE. i
performed romeo and juliet extract in class-> manning liked it.
i had to finish
my art B.O.W at lunch, then eat on my way to my
italian exam, then run to the station to go to
teach dancing in croydon, which the cd player broke within the first 5 mins, i then had to speed to
youth theatre in strathfield followed by a delayed
train home in the rain. then i
ran home at 9.30pm because i left my phone at home. then i
ate cold dinner and then got started on
writing my 2000 word art essay and
finishing my watercolour painting after which, i
wrote my english essay and went to bed at
didnt think about jack much though...

then in the morning,

on thursday 26.
i went to school late and out of uniform, just to
hand in my art assessment task which wasnt accepted coz of some protocol shit, had to appeal for this piece of shit art crap.
went home and slept for 6 hours straight.
no VAPD. (lost marks for art) fucking piece of shit.
today i got really down about jack. heaps sad when i went to sleep. wrote a letter or 7.

on friday 27. did nothing but hurt for the whole day.was really epic.
elle came over and we went to the video shop in no bra, boys clothes with shit hair no makeup at like 9 o clock at night and we were shuffling to jay zee when who walks in?
apparently my face was like this :O the whole time and it was awkward and i had tears running down my face. plus he looked REALLY HOT.
watched im not there- got mega inspired and fell in love with bob dylan (again), got upset about the whole j fiasco because of incident earlier.

on saturday 28 e and i woke up and made eggs with loads of salt, then in the night i went over to e's and we dyed our hair (mines purple, e's is dark brown). then we watched dead poets society.
no vapd, if you were wondering (i am)

sunday 29 woke up at e's and took 3 hours to get home (DONT GET ME STARTED ON TRACK WORK, then i watched Capote, took my mind off things. i messaged j to apologise for being a dickhead. no reply as usual- no credit or no care: same thing. painted a shit load today.

monday 30 today started really shitly like all mondays do:
no sleep-in,
beginning of 5 days solid work,
i also had drama today, and it was really shit. we're doing romeo and juliet and manning thinks im so shit. fucking hell its so hard to be good here, im constantly stuttering with all my words and fucking everything up. told everyone about me and jack breaking up today- feeling better.
had senior drama company today, and me and t had to do our on-stage make out a record of 6 times! woooooooo.. not. the whole time all i thought about was how i wished he was j.
got my italian test back 15/25. dont care i didnt study- too stressed. no vapd grrrrrrrr.

tuesday 31 today was a really good day. the first good one in a while.
i had a Postmodern Essay in eng ext, which i didnt plan for, but wrote 5 pages with nopoint whatsoever, dont really care it wasnt an assessment- i have bigger things to worry about.
had dancing and we did solos and the teacher started crying when i did mine, she thought it was so good that i should teach it to the class! it was so great, i felt wanted for the first time in ages.
and then, just before i went to bed, i got an email for a casting for a program 'Whatever- Teenage Drinkers' on ABC's Cataylst for sunday, where i play an intoxicated teenager. my mates j and h are also going to be there playing in their band!!!

wednesday 1. FOUND MY VAPD! april fools. still no where in sight. had a good day today, hair looked good, as did the makeup and the uniform. handed in my biology book voluntarily and mr s was very pleased. had youth theatre and we just watched the film version of our play- we're getting cast next week, so excited! got an early mark off today in youth theatre, so i got home at 9.30! so good!!!

so that brings us to now.
holy shit so much written im so sorry for the bbacklogue
love you all please comment

apologies all round

hi everyone! im pretty sure you've all forgotten about me, because im a bad blogger i know.

basically ive just had the weridest week or two and i could even write about it.
i still cant
ill keep you posted soon