sitting topless in my bedroom

i am currently sitting topless in my bedroom. no this isnt some kinky sex story, its me trying to put on false-tan moistruiser for tomorrows formal!

my throat is feeling a touch better thankyou for asking :), but the situation with j has not relieved itself. the problem with me and j's relationship is that it can never be more than friends.

recently however, j made a move on me- i said no, but it doesnt help me at al because now i have no idea where i stand.

help!

Throat pains

Fucking hell. i told you last night about my packed week i have ahead with parties and formals and such, well i woke up this morning with a throat that seemed on fire.

its been hurting all day, and i came home (no dancing for 2 & 1/2 hours) and slept from 4-7pm- it still hurts! shit! i have E's formal tomorrow night. my rooms a mess, my dress isnt right, i have to get all my shit together and its 7.15 already! i was going to go to bed at 8pm but i guess i cant now.

im still feeling really bad for cancelling on j the other night, and i think he's a bit cut because he hasn't messaged me back about it.

today we had this man come in and talk to us about getting out of rape and such things. its was really shocking the facts and stories that he told me, and we got to be inside a serial rapist's mind which was equally shocking! i couldnt believe the shit that happens!

so one of my closest friends b is having troubles with her best friend m who actually bitches about her behind her back. surprise, surprise. girls are so superficial it kills me. i am a girl but i am not that girl. i hate it when girls dont just cut the shit.,

gotta go
peace

six thoughts at once
i can't focus on one

Aujourd'hui

today was so busy, and much like my current life- completely boring.

i had to get up really really early to buy hair dye to colour my hair (which im doing right now in a chocolate brown) and then go to fricking dancing rehearsals, for which n was very late- as per usual. the whole day ran late from then, but i had a wonderful butter-chicken dish from hothis at westfield which dad brought me.

a hasnt really been eating that much lately, im starting to get a little concerned, but i will get more so when i start seeing the side affects. anyways, after the concert, we went back to a and a's house for food

borrowed an after party dress from a. looks sexy, like a white colour with a black butterfly pattern at the top- mmmm.

right now im colouring my hair! waiting until 9 pm to wash it out. it had better turn out right, otherwise im so fucked!

ahhh tomorrow is pdhpe day which is gonig to be tres awesome.
tuesday: half day, then e's formal in the night! yay! then back to north shore after party!
wednesday: taking the day off school and hopefully j's coming over.
thursday: going to get an airbrush tattoo with s and going to bed vraiment early!!!
friday: graduation mass, then formal with j in the evening! ahhhhhhhhh
saturday: recover, and earth festival!
sunday: nana's 80th party: free alcohol :)

so overall i have a very busy week coming up
peace

2009

cannot wait until next year!
new friends
new school
new life
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...bliss!

and hopefully a new lover that i can call my own. im really sick of my single status at the moment.

gotta jet-
peace

mother is getting touchy

this evening i was meant to go to the museum of contemporary art with p, and meet up with j & r, but mum is getting so shitty at me for being out so much, so im going over to a's house for an early dinner post-performance. i love food
peace

marry me edward ♥

addict

im a fucking addict! i cannot believe how much blogging i've done in a half hour.

number one talktopic at the moment is formal! my formal is this friday and i have this spectacular lisa ho dress to wear !
my partner and i are getting closer, but we are only friends, dont worry. thats the thing, are we or are we more. anyway i dont really want to talk about it.

i aspire to be an Oscar winning actor one day. hopefully in the nearer rather than more distant future! next year im attending nshpa in sydney, so that should send me right on my way! orientation day is next week!

shit! so is speech night! shit! that means i cant go to the showcase- which i really wanted to do.
im making the speech on behalf of my grade so i cant not go.

peace

africa and its downsides

okay, so i recently watched this film called Blood Diamond, and i was shocked at the truths evident in it. i also saw Hotel Rwanda, and this also troubled me deeply.

i cant configure in my mind how one human being can so severely and torturously abuse and massacre so many others, can they not see the mercy in their eyes?

when it all comes down to it- we are all the same. strip away the indifferences about arms and peace and take out the attraction to money and materialistic items and ventures, and we are all humans. like one- like all.
why is there so much hurt if this is the case?

is evil within someone initially from birth, or is it thrust upon them as impressionable adolescents?
peace

annoyances

can anybody tell me why fake people are attractive? i really dont understand how fake and stupid people are well liked in this society. there is an extremely fake girl who is annoying the goodness out of me lately and quite frankly she is so unattractive it hurts.

now i am not a shallow or callow person- i may have been once, but no, not anymore. i am sick and tired of people being judged for their appearences, and i would very much rather see someone who has a gorgeous personality than a gorgeous face.

the body is but a shell- the insides, the soul is what truely counts. so if this is true, which i see complete truth in, how come there is so much judgement of the physicalities in this world?
peace

dancing

today we had our annual dancing concert. it was totally embarrassing, the lights and sound were horrific and the stage was far too small and most of all- slippery. it was utterly humiliating. i am so glad that none of my friends were there to see it- eek! A & G's friend G was there- sucks to be them i suppose.

this is my first entry, but im determined to keep it up!
peace